{"id":85,"date":"2008-05-14T23:09:01","date_gmt":"2008-05-15T07:09:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/?p=85"},"modified":"2008-05-14T23:12:41","modified_gmt":"2008-05-15T07:12:41","slug":"perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"

DD recently expounded<\/a> upon what I would sum up as “the critical importance of shutting your trap in burgeoning relationships”.\u00a0 Generally, I find her opinion spot-on in matters of relationships, but this time around I surprisingly found myself in disagreement.<\/p>\n

The main thrust of her thoughts are that guys aren’t equipped to hear a woman’s true thoughts and feelings, particularly at the beginning of a relationship.\u00a0 She lists examples of what not to say and when not to say them.\u00a0 The focus here is the super-nascent relationship, that stage where you’re still trying to figure out where you stand, if this thing has potential, etc. etc.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Being a person who typically shares too much, it’s possible that my perspective is skewed.\u00a0 But what I’ve seen is that people don’t communicate enough about what they think or feel, particularly at the beginning of relationships.\u00a0 It’s mostly out of fear, too.\u00a0 We are all too afraid of our feelings not being reciprocated or our thoughts\/actions being judged poorly.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Like it or not, to date is to be judged.\u00a0 And if you start out in a position where you’re filtering your feelings, thoughts, and desires from the other person so actively as to not be yourself, then what hope is there that you can ever truly be yourself around that person?\u00a0<\/p>\n

I think filtering only sets us up to be disappointed and\/or surprised later when we find out that the person you’ve been falling in love with really isn’t who they’ve been advertising themselves as being.\u00a0 There’s another side to it, as well.\u00a0 DD makes the point that established relationships often don’t have enough communication; I wonder myself if that’s not because we expect people to filter themselves at the beginning, and never learn how to remove those filters as the relationships grow?\u00a0<\/p>\n

So, filtering becomes a catch 22… once you start to filter you run the risk of surprising your partner with your true nature at a later date, or never being able to be wholly connected to them because your filter never disappears.\u00a0 Neither are good options in my book.<\/p>\n

If I read between the lines, DD’s point is that one should not lie, but that they should not disclose certain truths until the the appropriate time.\u00a0 But there really is no way of knowing when the “right” time is.\u00a0 It is different for every man and woman, and I think that’s the key in all of this.\u00a0<\/p>\n

We all disclose ourselves to new people at a different rate.\u00a0 There’s a continuum of comfort that’s different for everyone.\u00a0 We all trickle it out over time because nobody can get to know all of you the instant that you meet.\u00a0 And unnaturally changing that rate can only lead to trouble.\u00a0 Isn’t the ideal to find someone who is perfectly comfortable with the way you are, in every way, including how open you are about who you are and what you feel?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DD recently expounded upon what I would sum up as “the critical importance of shutting your trap in burgeoning relationships”.\u00a0 Generally, I find her opinion spot-on in matters of relationships, but this time around I surprisingly found myself in disagreement. The main thrust of her thoughts are that guys aren’t equipped to hear a woman’s … Continue reading perspective<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[17],"class_list":["post-85","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-hearts-and-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=85"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=85"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=85"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kmwoley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=85"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}